I’m a bit tired today, as I was up all night consoling a friend who just found out one of the worst things a woman can learn – her husband has been having an affair. To make matters worse, she practically caught him in the act and he still had the nerve to deny it. Ultimately, he confessed and my friend’s heart is completely broken. I tried to comfort her, but I realized rapidly instead of being sad she was purely angry with him. I spent hours listening to her ramble about all the ways she’d like to pay him back for what he’s done to her, and I had to stifle an insensitive giggle when she wished she could just cast a “revenge spell” on him.

I couldn’t help imagining her channeling the dark, wanna-be-kindergoth character played by Fairuza Balk in the movie “The Craft” and wreacking havoc on his life and mental health. As she went on and on about how she wants to see him broken and suffering, how deeply she would enjoy it, I began to think often women all over the world feel the same way.
We conjure the little witches in all of us by destroying photographs, tearing up clothes, and burning precious mementos when our rage has been sparked to life by our broken hearts and trampled on feelings. But, does it really make us feel better? Does it make us better, at all? I know they say it’s easier when you are looking in from the outside of a situation, but ultimately I think it just lowers us to the same level of the jerk who treated us badly to begin with.

My heart was breaking for my friend and her displaced anger, but I was quick to point out that revenge spells – if they even existed and worked – would never cause him to suffer enough to make her feel better. His hair falling out, his perfect body sagging and softening, and him suddenly finding himself to be impotent would not bring her a step closer to a mended heart.

I told her that she is definitely better than that and that she should consider alternatives that would make him suffer and make her feel better. Instead of wanting to watch our ex-lovers wriggle in pain, why not elicit some jealousy in them by moving on quickly? Dress yourself and paint the town red, and then watch as he realizes what a mistake he’s made. Wouldn’t that be far more effective? After all, losing you is the worst thing that could ever happen to him.

I’m interested to hear your thoughts. Do you think it’s best to rise above this kind of situation or do you believe revenge is a dish best served cold? How have you responded to catching a cheating spouse in your own life?